Not good enough

I have my moments, moments when I believe in myself and my potentials with every fiber in my body, moments when I’m so motivated that I wake up so early in the morning without an alarm. Moments when I know with certain clarity that Jesus loves me perfectly and unconditionally. Then there are those times when I feel lost, confused, inadequate, impatient and the line between my weaknesses and my strengths is blurred that I doubt everything I know.

Have you ever done something that made you felt so inadequate? Well I was a model for a short while and it was the perfect job for a young woman trying to find herself after a breakup to make a perfect recipe for inadequacy and ruin self confidence but more on this later.

I make dresses as a hobby and on Fridays I can’t wait to get home from work, usually the train ride back home seem so short for my book reads but on days like today I feel like its taking ages, on every stop I count how many minutes it will take before the next stop and the minute I get to my stop I race home, even though I’m hungry, I pass through the kitchen without a second thought of what’s in the fridge for dinner or even if there is food at all. I change into my comfy pjs and head to my fabric compartment, grab out this beautiful pink brown abstract African print fabric and get to work.

You see I have this inspiration in my head, I have this particular cut I would like to get and I would like to see this piece come to life before the end of the weekend. So I cut my fabric and head over to the machine and start sewing, I tell myself if I don’t get this done I’m not going to bed. Some occasion Im in love with the pieces I make straight away. But today I doubt if I actually got this inspiration in my head right, if it’s good enough to share, if I can leave the house in it. Today I’m I’m living in self doubt, I know there is a healthy way to self criticism but isn’t it.

As a student in college I used to model as a way to make some extra cash. Even though I love the technical world of computing and enjoy it, there is another part of me which has always loved fashion and glamour. I remember getting audition calls and getting really excited and hopeful, then I remember the nerves that came with the shooting days. In most cases the auditions were always attended by beautiful tall girls, who could walk comfortably in 7inch high heels, (I still struggle to walk in 5) who knew some little details as to which bra size they were. We were both there wanting the same job which on most cases was based on how we looked on the outside.

Get the dress here

I had fun and enjoyed every bit but deep inside somehow I always felt inadequate. On auditions I forgot why I was there and why I loved modelling but focused on my inadequacy and all the limitations I could possibly imagine. The modelling world crushed on my self esteem but this is a story for another day.  It’s been a while since then and have fought so hard to know when my thoughts are negative or constructive self criticism I still doubt myself but now with the help of prayer I find my calm and I know every learning process has steps and with this blog I’m sharing a little bit my learning and I couldn’t let this particular post stay in my not good enough box.

Buy the dress here

15 Replies to “Not good enough”

  1. Avatar
    John Mulindi says: February, 13 2019 at 5:15 pm

    You look pretty in that dress. A good one to recommend to my friends. Your personal story is also moving and inspiring too, thanks for sharing.

  2. Avatar
    Lydia Smith says: February, 13 2019 at 8:40 pm

    I now see that veryone feels this way at some point in their lives, good to read someone feels this way too. Sis, we are not letting those ‘we are not good enough’ hold us back from greatness. Btw, love the dress. I ensure to stock my wardrobe with Ankara. Makes me so comfy!

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    Maggie Unzueta says: February, 13 2019 at 8:49 pm

    You look so stunning! Thank you for sharing your feelings. This is very inspiring.

  4. Avatar
    Sara Welch says: February, 13 2019 at 9:18 pm

    That dress looks perfect on you; I love your style and your hair is spot on too! You rock!

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    Preet says: February, 14 2019 at 12:05 am

    This is so lovely! How I wish I was as talented and could pull off such a look. You look great in your dress. That really suits you.

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    Fatima Torres says: February, 14 2019 at 3:30 am

    I’ve always heard about the limitations in the modeling industry. You always need to meet a certain standard.

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    Erin says: February, 14 2019 at 5:24 am

    Thank you for sharing such a personal post. It’s so difficult to not focus on limitations. You are definitely not alone in that.

  8. Avatar
    Chelle Dizon says: February, 14 2019 at 5:27 am

    I do understand where you’re coming from and I also feel that way sometimes. Always believe in yourself and love what you do.

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    Joanna says: February, 14 2019 at 10:05 am

    Even the strongest people in the world have moments when they doubt themselves and think if they are good enough for what they are doing. It’s called the “impostor syndrome”. It’s important though to always remember that you are good enough and those thoughts are just silly.

  10. Avatar
    Felecia Monique says: February, 14 2019 at 2:15 pm

    You are gorgeous and the dress looks amazing on you!! You are more than enough!

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    Sincerely Miss J says: February, 14 2019 at 5:55 pm

    Firstly, you are such a beautiful woman and that dress looks beautiful on you. Thank you for sharing your inspiring story. We all have our days.

  12. Avatar
    Bethany Stout says: February, 14 2019 at 6:59 pm

    This dress is so pretty. I love it. Would be perfect for spring.

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    Courtney says: February, 17 2019 at 6:21 pm

    Omg I just love your dress!!! Such a pretty print!!! Perfect for spring:):)

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    Chastity says: February, 19 2019 at 11:49 am

    You are beyond gorgeous, I was thinking you should be a model before I read your post! I love your dress as well so pretty great work. You have to do what you love and what makes you feel confident and happy. No one can give you that full pleasure in life but one’s self.

  15. Avatar
    Becca Talbot says: February, 24 2019 at 10:41 pm

    Interesting post – some great tips and advice here for people looking to improve their self-esteem. Thanks for sharing your personal experience 🙂 x

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